im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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