someone threw a dead crab at me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
