I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
