I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
