you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
