I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I smell like Dick and happiness
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
