I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
