Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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