I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
