Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize