I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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