I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
