Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
