none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
