My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
