i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
