Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And then he peed in my hair
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