it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
