She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
