im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
