So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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