I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
