whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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