Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
