I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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