There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
