my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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