Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
