I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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