you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize