Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
