o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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