HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
