I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
