can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
