you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
