He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
