Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
