hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The struggles of a small town man whore
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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