i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
