Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
