the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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