Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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