she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
