I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
