i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
