I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize