its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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