haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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