I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
