i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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