Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
