If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize