Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dignity is for republicans.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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