Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
