Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
