Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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