the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
