I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
