the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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