You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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