grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
