I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
