I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
