why didn't you poke me back
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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