I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
