He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
