a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
