Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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