we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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