In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
