why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
