I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
