youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
