I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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