look no pants
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
