I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
