I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
