If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
