I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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