New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
