Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is my gift to your gina
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
