today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
