Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
