Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
