uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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