If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
