So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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