I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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