i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
