im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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