ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
