She is in my trunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize