My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
