Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
