Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
