rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
