I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
