Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize