He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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