You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
