if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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