Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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