Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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