nut hugger
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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