I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she told me i tasted like america
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize